Stressing ….

12th April 2005

Can’t get my mind of the email I received from D yesterday apologizing for not responding sooner but she will be checking the file again to make sure she hasn’t missed anything. I can’t stop thinking about why I can’t remember signing the relinquishment paper(s). Anne from Empty Arms seems to think we possibly signed the paper(s) at a magistrate’s home rather than at court but I really can’t remember doing either. If I did go to a magistrate’s home or court to do this then I certainly do have a big whole in my memory – it’s almost scary.

Rick reminded me this morning that he needed to get to the hospital before 9.15 am and I was shocked I had forgotten after all the nagging I’d done. It’s beyond me why he had to take his sample (instructions from hospital) on a Tuesday but at least it’s been done now. We couldn’t have done it next Tuesday as we are going to Hove to look at the flat and to see family then it’s the following Monday that we have got our next appointment. At the moment I just feel like crying as I’m so stressed out with it all. I’m expecting bad news that nothing can be done to help me to conceive so if it’s bad news I’m prepared but if it’s good news then I will have something to look forward to. The only thing that worries me a bit is how A will react if I do get pregnant. I know he has been nagging me about this but if it does happen then the reality will set in that I will have a baby to think about so less time to do things like be involved in his website.

D from the ARC had been the one who had sorted out the copies of the adoption papers for me so I had contacted her again as I thought a copy of the relinquishment would be included. One month on and I still haven’t heard from her nor is it likely I will ever get a copy of that paper. I don’t even know what court it is held at.

*At this time we were also still going through tests to find out why I hadn’t conceived. It was quite a stressful time for both of us which wasn’t helped by my son adding to this as he was constantly telling me he wanted a sibling. As it turned out I didn’t get the Consent to Relinquish form and eventually I just gave up. I kept trying periodically but was constantly given the run around so in the end I got tired and fed up of the stress it was causing.

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About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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