5th April 2005
A few weeks ago I received copies of the adoption papers which I was pleased about as it filled a hole in my memory. On reading them it was no surprise to realize the reason I had a ‘hole’ in my memory was because I hadn’t given any of the information on them. It was still a bit irritating to read half truths and lies though, the only absolute truth was descriptions of myself and my ex. The only other bit of truth was about my mum being asthmatic and that she had been in contact with Rubella so I’m partially deaf and a hardly noticeable speech defect. The only thing that really disappointed me was that I thought there would be copies of the relinquishing papers and nobody told me that they wouldn’t be included even though I had mentioned not remembering signing the papers so wanted to see copies.
When I saw my counsellor for the last time which was the same day as I got copies of the adoption papers I mentioned this. All she could mumble was something about the relinquishing papers being at the court that dealt with the adoption. I left it that as she has never been very helpful about explaining my rights so just didn’t know what to say but it has been on my mind since then.
Last week this subject was brought up in another online group I belong to specifically for women who have had a child adopted but haven’t had any more children. Some of the others have said they have copies of the relinquishing papers so it has got the rest of us thinking about this so we are going to try and get copies as well. Yesterday I emailed my contact at the Adoption Resource Centre thanking her again for being so helpful before over the other papers then went on to explain what I was after this time.
At the moment I am feeling a bit frustrated about having to wait for a response but I’m hoping this means she will find out how I get copies of the papers I want. I hate this feeling of having holes in my memory from that time and I can’t ask my parents as it has never been open to debate to discuss Anthony’s adoption. Even now the only person I discuss Anthony with is my dad and then it’s stilted, he only mentions Anthony when they have spoken to each other – I hate that so much. I get more support from my in-laws and they openly admit they don’t understand what I have been through. At least Chris and Peter were fine about meeting Anthony the last time we saw him and they often ask after him. One thing that cheered me up is that Rick is having second thoughts about viewing the flat of the lady who wants to do a mutual exchange with us. I want to get back down south but I don’t really want to give up a house for a flat as we do have the dogs and it wouldn’t be fair on the cat even though she is a ‘house’ cat as she still likes sunning herself outside.
*It was painful to receive them but I have never regretted getting them as I have been able to move on. I do wonder about my parents though … I sometimes think they live in a parallel universe with the things they come out with and the adoption papers were a classic example of that.
When my son was adopted paperwork had to be filled out but I never saw any of it so the first time I saw anything was in 2005. Only the basic information was true and the rest read as if I wanted my son adopted. I knew the information had come from my mother from the way it was worded including she would have liked to have helped me but couldn’t due to her health. This came from the same person who was fit enough to look after my niece who was a baby at the time.