Better Day

4th April 2005
Been a better day today. Helped by having a decent conversation in the chat room yesterday, made me realize how lucky I am compared to others who have greater problems than me.

A couple of hours ago one of the church members came round to see us to let us know he wanted to give us his car.

Typical I start something and company turns up so will have to come back to this later.
Rick and I knew John was getting a new car at some point so as our car ‘died’ a while back we have been saving up money for another although Rick had offered to buy John’s car when he got his new one. I was absolutely gobsmacked when John said he didn’t want any money for the car so we will give money to the church instead. John brought up about Paul so we didn’t mind telling him why we were so upset particularly me. He knew about our idea for a support group and after listening to what we both said he understand why we felt the way we did. J said it would need to be prayed about but also said he knew it was going to happen. I was pleased he had that attitude and surprised that John said Paul was set in his ways despite being basically a good person at heart. John feels that Paul needs to be educated about adoption issues but it would be wasted on him as he is too set in his ways so just wouldn’t understand. He also thinks Paul is out of order though for his attitude particularly after finding out the full story of my connection to adoption. John went on to tell us about his aunt’s six children who were all adopted but are now reunited with the rest of the family and they are all Christians. He also mentioned that there are grandparents in the church who had grandchildren adopted – it’s amazing to hear someone talk about this subject without any prejudice. I am so choked to be shown such love from someone I hardly know.

*Paul is an elder of the church we went to before moving down south and he did end up being a good friend once we sorted out our differences. He had given us the impression that he thought all mothers were drug users/and or prostitutes which really upset me at the time. It took us several weeks to sort the differences out as Paul kept putting his foot in it with me so for a while I was avoiding him.

I found attitudes were, on the whole, positive towards me when friends found out about my son.  Occasionally there were awkward moments which I learned to deal with even if it meant changing the subject.  There were also the well intentioned comments about how ‘wonderful’ it was that we had reunited.  I would take a deep breath, smile and just nod my head.  At times I wanted to scream at them that no it wasn’t wonderful and my son should never have been adopted.  People meant well and I knew that I had two choices; either watch what I said or be honest.  With time I learned to say it how it was in a calm way.


About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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