15th July 2005
Should have known it was too good to be true Rick being in a good mood lately to the extent of driving me slightly insane. For no reason at all he started shouting and accusing me of saying things I haven’t …. as usual my words were twisted. Rick admitted to being in a bad mood this morning and as I have been depressed lately it is a bad combination but he can’t ever let anything rest. I have never been able to understand why Rick can’t let a disagreement rest so that it ends up being a war zone so I walk out to calm down. He has to keep pushing until I explode then I get the blame for the argument getting out of hand he can never see he is in the wrong. I know at times I am to blame but Rick won’t admit when he’s in the wrong and it is getting me down. This is the man I am supposed to want children with? How can I when he lowers my self esteem and it is almost rock bottom again. My parents did a good job on me growing up so I have always lacked confidence and self esteem. The thread about self esteem is a good one and I have posted on it but now all I want is to have my posts deleted from it. I know my depression is getting bad again but I was coping …. just …. now I am struggling again. Back to dreading the next couple of weeks and yet I should be happy as Anthony is in my life.