20th June 2005
Been keeping my mind occupied as best as possible since I last added anything here. Anything to take my mind of not conceiving and Rick’s attitude towards both. All I get from him is still it will happen in God’s time not our but neither will happen unless we do something and I can’t do anything unless he agrees to as well so back to the vicious circle. Now it’s easier not to think about it at all.
Anthony may end up coming back to England sooner than expected as he has financial worries and struggling to get a job. He also thinks he’s failed his course and is having problems getting onto courses he wants to do. On top of that K has ‘broken his heart’ – will get to the bottom of that one eventually. Although it’s sad as she sounded a nice person a tiny bit of me was relieved as Kelly doesn’t want children. I was a bit mortified recently as Anthony told me that she had jokingly said that if she was ever pregnant she would flush it down the sink – bearing in mind she knows he’s an adoptee. A knows how I feel about abortion but told me as he knows I will have a sensible discussion about this with him. However he did make my day by saying he is happy to be alive and that I didn’t abort him. Oh happy days.
*Anthony had recently made contact as if nothing had happened. This was normal yet infuriating at the same time as we never seemed to get disagreements sorted out. Instead he would chuck past disagreements back at me when he was unhappy or angry. I found it easier not to say anything and accept that he was happy.