19th March 2006
Had a bad night’s sleep last night so was on the computer for about an hour from 2.30 am. I woke up early as well which didn’t help. Today I intend getting on with my book as I’ve got all my poems on floppy disk now. Will write more, just need a break from those for a day or two.
My mother-in-law died on the 3rd December 1999 and since then my sister-in-law has been promising to type these up for us. Rick and I felt quite honoured that Jan trusted us enough to deal with them. Less than a year on these are on a website www.mandyhope.co.uk, a chat room has been added plus the family tree and there will be a forum on it as well.
At a later date we set up www.mandyhope.com where the poetry has stayed although Rick has thought about getting back the .co.uk again. Despite going through a few days of being fed up of typing up the poems I did get a lot out of typing it out. Even now I will go and read the poetry. I ‘saw’ another side to my mother-in-law in her poetry particularly the spiritual ones. Her faith was strong even when she was dying and she knew where she was going. When my mother-in-law she said she wanted prayer for healing to Rick and his eldest brother. Rick knew exactly what she meant and she wanted spiritual healing. For the first time he prayed with his mother.
A year on we know it’d unlikely we will have our own unless we find the money for private treatment. I know miracles do happen yet I have put that to one side as I have had so many disappointments. We are still waiting to see someone from the NCH so may have to chase that up soon.
It wasn’t meant to be for us to have children. When we eventually found out why I hadn’t conceived we were initially given hope that we could have one free treatment on the N.H.S. Had it happened and the treatment successful then we would have both been the biological parents of our child. Unfortunately we were then told we were told we were ‘too late’ as I had turned 43 since the first referral and the cut off age was 42. It was absolutely devastating as it had taken so long to be taken seriously just to hear this news. We did put in a complaint to the NCH but nothing came off it.
*By this time I had a laptop that I was able to store work on as a backup. I was suffering with depression at this point but was choosing to ignore the fact.