17th July 2008
I am only going to lurk for the time being as I need to for my own sanity so will be firm with myself that the only place I shall post is here. Random thoughts for today why I am angry, hurt, sad and downright depressed.
– his lies about appointments with Jackie (MHSW) and why he hasn’t rung her.
– stupid lies about Twizel being in his room/falling asleep on him. She doesn’t go to sleep on us and she spends more time with us, in fact Twizel runs away from him except for when he manages to grab her and makes her stay with him. Little wonder Twizel scratches him to pieces. Mind you she is one amazing kitten as she can either walk through doors or open them herself but sometimes when we have been out we hear Anthony open his door and Twizel races downstairs then runs away from him if he goes near her for the rest of the day. Anthony also claims Twizel spends most of the night with him which isn’t true as she has mad half hours during the night or goes between the two of us as she likes sleeping with us.
– then there is the telling us that he doesn’t sleep the day away yet the times we have to wake him up for meals, I don’t bother asking him now I just prepare meals.
– having to chase him up about stuff people have asked him to do online.
– talking to us like we’re 5 yr olds then shouting at us if we say anything he doesn’t like … like when we catch him out telling us lies.
– having to make doctor’s appointments when he needs them, putting in for repeat prescriptions then collecting them for him is seriously getting on my nerves now.
How I’m feeling:
– fed up
– worn out
– not eating properly
– wondering what I’m doing so wrong that Anthony won’t change his ways yet he makes me feel so guilty at times for being firm with him and still making me feel like I’m the one with the problems not him.
– know I need to see my doctor but keep forgetting to ring first thing but it’s no good ringing later in the day as I will only get told to ring first thing in the morning!!!!
*side note can’t quite make out why his adoptive dad felt the need to ask if it was okay to send a birthday card for Anthony as his birthday is coming up soon. Put it down to them being thoughtful but I thought they would send a card anyway.
*I can’t remember where I found this or it may have even been emailed to me but I posted it on a forum on the 20th July 2008. It’s given me plenty to think about each time I’ve read it:
I’ve Learned ….
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in life, but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it.
I’ve learned that true friendships continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they’re going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I’ve learned that there are so many ways of falling and staying in love.
I’ve learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.
I’ve learned that the people you care most in life are taken from you soon.
I’ve learned that although the word “love” can have many different meanings, it loses the value when overly used.
I’ve learned that love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person I see.
I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch – holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I’ve learned that I have a lot to learn.