24th April 2005
Feeling really stressed out today and finding it hard to concentrate on anything. Rick’s not being much help as he won’t talk about anything important like hospital appointments. Even typing up my mother in law’s poems is depressing as quite a few are sad and on similar themes. Keep on getting snappy as Rick keeps talking when I’m going through them so it makes it difficult to concentrate. Will be glad when we are out of the hospital tomorrow – feeling tearful at the moment as this situation has been going on for so long now. Although I’m glad Anthony has taken an interest in some respects he hasn’t helped as he has often asked if I’m pregnant yet and what’s been happening with hospital appointments. At times I feel like telling him and Rick that I can’t take any more of this and not carry on trying to conceive. The last time I tried to tell Rick how I felt he accused me of not wanting a baby as Anthony is back in my life. This isn’t true as he knows I would have love having more children and I can’t make up for the lost years with Anthony.
