26th April 2005
I am beginning to get my thoughts a bit clearer since being at the hospital yesterday although at times I am finding it hard not to cry. It was such a relief initially to know that I could conceive though a bit disappointed to have it confirmed that Rick’s the one with the problem. We were then told the best course of action would be ICSI so we would be put on the waiting list then the bombshell came. I was asked to confirm my age and we were told that this wouldn’t happen as the cut off age for free help on the NHS is 42 in this area. It is absolutely bizarre to me that people can play ‘God’ and it’s not my fault that Rick’s the one with the problem. If it wasn’t and I conceived naturally it would be accepted yet all because we need a bit of help we can’t. At times I wish we could win the lottery then we could go private but I’m going to have to live with this one. It does hurt though knowing we are going to be childless.
*It had been a tough eight months for us. First I had found Anthony which had been stressful for both of us in different ways. We had then been taken seriously over wanting to find out why I hadn’t conceived. At the time I felt so isolated and we weren’t communicating nor did I feel that I could talk to anybody else. I wanted to talk with Rick but whatever I seemed to say was wrong.