30th August 2005

Had a look at Anthony’s website earlier and am now feeling a bit bewildered as he has now got down his dad’s name which I never thought would happen. After everything that has been said on the matter I thought it was a closed subject as I thought he had come to the conclusion that he would never know his father. The person concerned has always denied being his father and that will never change. Anthony knew that the only alternative was that I was raped and he didn’t want to think of his father being a rapist. He knows I had a very good male friend at the time I split up with this person but the one night we were in the same house nothing happened. The sad thing is if I could have chosen anybody to be his father it would have been this friend. If he had been I think he would have stood by me even if we hadn’t got married. I know I’m not suffering with amnesia from that particular night anyway. I can’t bring myself to say anything to Anthony though at the moment. Part of me stunned, I feel a bit numb but I can’t bring myself to be pleased or relieved that he has done this. It still doesn’t change anything about the situation and I don’t know how to move on from this. I knew it was always going to be a sticky subject for us but I wish we could just move on from it.



About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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