Problems with Anthony

2nd August 2010

During this time I also got in touch with Anthony about his books. I wrote to him as he had been ignoring our intermittent emails but asked him to email me back. I had been so fed up with his behaviour that Rick and I agreed that we didn’t want him to have our address at this time.  We knew Anthony didn’t trust us but we had lost trust in him as well.  Sadly every time I took the risk of trusting Anthony life would be good for a while then he would be nasty, accuse us of saying things we hadn’t said and doing things we hadn’t.  What he would accuse us of doing he had actually done.  We were also tired of the lies so until Anthony changed his ways we didn’t want him to have our address.

Due to moving we had also changed doctor and I knew that my blood pressure was dangerously high. I really didn’t want to put myself under more pressure by having to deal with his moods. I asked him to let me when a convenient time would be to return the books. For a change Anthony responded quite quickly asking me to either send the books or give them to charity. My response was to reply back by letter that it would be cheaper for us to return the books than to send them. I also added one of us was prepared to meet him in a public place as by this time neither of us really wanted to go to where he is living. Going on past experience with Anthony I didn’t want to give the books to charity as I didn’t want him holding that one against me. I asked for a polite response back on the grounds that not all was well with me and that I was having tests done at the hospital. This was true but as there was nothing to tell at this point I didn’t tell him why.

The next email I received from him really hurt me and it was at this point I decided that I no longer wanted direct contact with him. Anthony was making claims that we were absolutely clueless about.  Apparently creditors were contacting him on the grounds that we had shared an address.  The only ‘creditor’ he named was his bank. After Anthony moved out he went overdrawn and he didn’t clear it so the bank closed his account. He had also admitted months previously that he couldn’t pay his mobile phone bill. We had got the blame for that as well at the time even though it was nothing to do with us. Anthony claimed that he had passed on the information about these ‘creditors’ onto his adoptive parents. I don’t know if he is telling the truth but it was still hurtful. As far as I was concerned he should have got in touch with us if anybody had had contacted him about us. We could have sorted this out but we are still none the wiser about what he was on about. Nor has Anthony’s adoptive parents been in touch with us. They are not the sort of people who would have let this rest and we believe they would have contacted us.

Anthony also raised the point about the books being sent to him or given to charity. He had the cheek to say he didn’t see why he should have to suffer the distress of paying for them to be returned to him and I had offered to pay the cost. I was furious as the real truth was he had been given three options. The first was that we returned them to him when we were in the area and the second was that he paid for them to be returned as it had been his choice to leave the books, The third option hadn’t been feasible as I told Anthony that if we returned them without him covering the cost it would be gradually. I couldn’t tell him for definite when it would be as we couldn’t afford to do so.  I also resented paying to return Anthony’s books to him after everything he had put us through.

Anthony accused me of being a complete mess and that he didn’t want to hear from me until I sorted myself. I knew at this point that this was the final straw for me personally. The only way I will have contact with him is through third party. I will always love him I just can’t have the heartache of him being in my life.

My health was also suffering due to all the stress we had been under. By this time I knew I had dangerously high blood pressure as we had changed doctor due to the move. It was so high I was a walking time bomb for a heart attack or stroke. I also have high cholesterol and at risk of borderline diabetes so am taking medication for blood pressure and cholesterol plus being careful with my diet.


About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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