Y!A masochist

9th August 2010

Today has been one of those days I should have avoided Y!A but what the heck I am a masochist and can’t resist going ‘there’.  There have been a couple of questions with reference to ‘wrong wombs’ and God.  The first one I was fine with but the second one bugged the life out of me as I can’t ever accept that God puts babies in the wrong wombs.  God gave man (and woman) choice so I dislike it when Christians start on that argument.

Anyway back to the second question this was put of it:

“So, if a child is born and the biological parent abuses the child so terribly that the child can never lead a decent life, was that God giving the child the right parents? Does he really want a child to be abused?”

It gets back to my argument that God gave people choice so it’s not God’s fault if parents choose to be bad parents.  My argument goes further that some adoptive parents can be abusive the same as some foster carers can be as well.

I know adoption is in the bible but not in the context that we know it today.  Joseph ‘adopted’ Jesus which saved Mary’s reputation but he did it because he was commanded to do so:

Matthew 1:18-25

The Birth of Jesus Christ

18This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

20But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. 21She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

22All this took place to fulfil what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” which means, “God with us.”

24When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. 25But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.

There are other mentions of  ‘adoption’ in the bible but it was generally for the child’s safety.  It also mentions in the bible that widows and orphans should be looked after.

Sadly there are Christians who twist what’s written in the bible to justify adopting newborns.  Personally I would have far more respect for them if they adopted from foster care.  These children are the ones who really deserve a loving family.

Another question that really infuriated me was this:

“Do you believe the stories on Y!A adoption forum?

There are several people that have related their “stories” here with the intent of casting adoption in a bad light. While many of them may be true, I find a lot of them difficult to believe. A few tell stories of adopting a boy, only to have other tales of their adoption of a daughter. Many of them (and you know who you are) use this forum to push books and articles that they, or friends of theirs, have written. Others have simply fabricated their adoption experiences out of thin air, simply to push their own anti-adoption agendas. These falsehoods, in my opinion, take some of the impact away from those that truly did have poor experiences. I am not naive enough to think that all adoption experiences are wonderful and perfect. I just think that people should give the benefit of the doubt to those of us that are truly trying to raise a child that was placed for adoption. It is amazing how many people think that foster to adoption is a wonderful thing, but infant adoption is the work of satan himself. The only difference between the two is timing. In one case, a child is subjected to a bad experience for a while, and then adopted. In the other, the birth mother realized before the child is born that she is incapable of giving the child the life that she would like him/her to have.

This question will undoubtedly be removed after a bunch of people that don’t agree report it.”

Needless to say this person is an adoptive parent and a prime example of why attitudes need to be changed.  My response was:

“Do you believe the stories on Y!A adoption forum?”

– I do believe the regulars, some are on facebook, on forums and have blogs. They are consistent with what they write so why on earth should I disbelieve them?

“There are several people that have related their “stories” here with the intent of casting adoption in a bad light. While many of them may be true, I find a lot of them difficult to believe.”

– Why? Because it hasn’t happened to you? You don’t know anybody who has been through a similar experience? I have a personal negative adoption story to tell but it’s not to deliberate cast a bad light on adoption. It is the truth of what happened to me and I have every right to share my experience. Adoption isn’t all candy floss, fluffy bunny wabbit stories and happy ever after endings. There, is the dark side to adoption not just the positives. Just because you don’t like somebody’s adoption story doesn’t mean they’re not telling the truth.

“Others have simply fabricated their adoption experiences out of thin air, simply to push their own anti-adoption agendas. These falsehoods, in my opinion, take some of the impact away from those that truly did have poor experiences.”

– If you think somebody is lying just to push an anti adoption agenda then why are you here complaining? Why don’t you just report the person?

“I am not naive enough to think that all adoption experiences are wonderful and perfect. I just think that people should give the benefit of the doubt to those of us that are truly trying to raise a child that was placed for adoption.”

– Exactly but this is in the public domain and everybody has the right to state how they feel about adoption whether it’s the good, the bad or the ugly. I have no problem about anybody saying how wonderful adoption is for them. What I have a problem with is people not wanting anybody stating the negative side of adoption. If someone doesn’t know the negative side how do you expect them to feel if anything goes wrong. They would have every right to ask why nobody warned them.

“It is amazing how many people think that foster to adoption is a wonderful thing, but infant adoption is the work of satan himself”

– I don’t think either is wonderful With the first the child has to suffer whether it be abuse or neglect and loss of their family. With infant adoption it is generally unnecessary and the mother should be encouraged to raise her child. However I would rather a child be adopted than harmed.

“In the other, the birth mother realized before the child is born that she is incapable of giving the child the life that she would like him/her to have.”

– It’s a good thing you’re not in the same room as me as that comment is extremely offensive. I am a mother not a birth mother – I have the OBC and adoption paperwork that clearly states I am my son’s mother. How dare you state that mothers realise they are incapable of giving their child the life they would like their child to have. You don’t me or the many other mothers who were capable of raising our child and giving them the life we wanted for them. I could have provided my son a roof over his head, clothes on his back, shoes on his feet, food in his stomach AND holidays abroad *shock, horror*.

Source(s):

Mother who HAS written a book http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2966087

One of the mag articles http://www.touchedbyadoptionforums.com/forum/index.php?topic=922.0

Newspaper article http://www.mirror.co.uk/life-style/real-life/2009/04/07/my-adopted-son-came-home-after-23-years-and-nearly-ended-my-marriage-115875-21261706/

YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oECEsfW_0Lw and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64nldBw5mFM&feature=related

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About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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