Thoughts on adoption

22nd August 2010

This question was asked on Y!A two years ago:

“Is infertility part of Darwins *natural selection*?  If so is adoption the solution?

What do you think about this? is infertility part of *intelligent design* or Gods Plan?
Why can’t people go with the flow instead of insisting on getting kids to adopt?

Additional Information

Dear M.L. Natural selection has *nothing* to do with RELIGION. It’s biology. Maybe there are certain people who aren’t meant to reproduce is all I’m saying.”

My response was:

“No and no.

People who are infertile are either born that way or there is a reason.

I am a Christian and I still don’t understand where it says in the bible that it’s in God’s plan for adoption to happen. In fact I find it very hurtful when that line is used and unfortunately it’s usually used by pro adoption people who don’t have a clue how adoption affects natural parents or adoptees.

I was coerced into my son being adopted when I was 19. What was my crime? I was singled, educated and had a good, secure civil job, I didn’t smoke or drink alcohol and would have made every effort to be a good mother. It wasn’t God’s plan that my son was adopted, it was my parents and the adoption agency. My parents didn’t want the shame of a single daughter raising her child and when my son in 1981 it was getting increasingly harder to adopt newborns as single mothers were getting the support they needed. My son had a positive adoption experience yet he is more inclined towards anti adoption as he was removed from me for no other reason than the choice of other people.

My husband is infertile and is likely he always was going on medical evidence, I can still have children so where is the logic in that. Fertility and adoption due to infertility have nothing to do with a parent being a good or bad one, it’s down to human nature.

However I’m not against adoption completely as children shouldn’t be raised by abusive parents.”

My views haven’t changed since then.  There are good parents and there are bad parents most do their best as parenting isn’t an exact science.   Sadly attitudes don’t change within adoption and it is still generally assumed that mothers who surrender either choose to or lose their parental rights because they are bad mothers.  Just because adoptive parents have to jump through hoops to adopt doesn’t mean the occasional bad penny will never slip through the net.

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About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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2 Responses to Thoughts on adoption

  1. I’m glad you recognize that there is a need for adoption. Sometimes people simply can’t parent either–whether it’s because of drugs or mental illness or something else. The goal should always be to try to do the best thing for the child. It would be a sad swing of the pendulum if society became anti adoption as a general rule.

  2. Philippa says:

    I believe every case should be looked at individually and yes I do believe at times adoption is best for a child. One example I know of is a mother who is a schizophrenic who has had three children. The first two were abused by a partner so they went into care staying with one family until they aged out of care. The eldest went to university so the duty of care went on till she was 21. The youngest was born a few years later so social services did the best to keep mother and child together. Eventually he was adopted as she was over protective and unintentially hurt him a few times. It is an open adoption. On the other side of the coin I know a couple whose first two children were adopted as they put drugs and lifestyle before the children. They then went on to have two more children. Sadly both were premature and died soon after they were born. They have since had four more children, straightened their lives out and the children are being raised well. They do have a social worker involved but he is there simply to help when they need it.

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