22nd August 2010
This question was asked on Y!A two years ago:
“Is infertility part of Darwins *natural selection*? If so is adoption the solution?
What do you think about this? is infertility part of *intelligent design* or Gods Plan?
Why can’t people go with the flow instead of insisting on getting kids to adopt?
Dear M.L. Natural selection has *nothing* to do with RELIGION. It’s biology. Maybe there are certain people who aren’t meant to reproduce is all I’m saying.”
My response was:
“No and no.
People who are infertile are either born that way or there is a reason.
I am a Christian and I still don’t understand where it says in the bible that it’s in God’s plan for adoption to happen. In fact I find it very hurtful when that line is used and unfortunately it’s usually used by pro adoption people who don’t have a clue how adoption affects natural parents or adoptees.
I was coerced into my son being adopted when I was 19. What was my crime? I was singled, educated and had a good, secure civil job, I didn’t smoke or drink alcohol and would have made every effort to be a good mother. It wasn’t God’s plan that my son was adopted, it was my parents and the adoption agency. My parents didn’t want the shame of a single daughter raising her child and when my son in 1981 it was getting increasingly harder to adopt newborns as single mothers were getting the support they needed. My son had a positive adoption experience yet he is more inclined towards anti adoption as he was removed from me for no other reason than the choice of other people.
My husband is infertile and is likely he always was going on medical evidence, I can still have children so where is the logic in that. Fertility and adoption due to infertility have nothing to do with a parent being a good or bad one, it’s down to human nature.
However I’m not against adoption completely as children shouldn’t be raised by abusive parents.”
My views haven’t changed since then. There are good parents and there are bad parents most do their best as parenting isn’t an exact science. Sadly attitudes don’t change within adoption and it is still generally assumed that mothers who surrender either choose to or lose their parental rights because they are bad mothers. Just because adoptive parents have to jump through hoops to adopt doesn’t mean the occasional bad penny will never slip through the net.