My mum has died

2nd April 2011

My mum died at 12.30 am yesterday.   I was quite shocked that it was Caroline who rang.  At the time I was in the bathroom and couldn’t get to the phone in time so rang back.  As soon as I rang 1471 to check the telephone number I knew it was going to be bad news.   Although I have been expecting this news for a while it was still upsetting.   It also seemed a bit strange talking to Caroline as it’s been twelve years since we spoke to each other which resulted in us being on bad terms.  I am worried about dad though.  He and mum had been married for 53 years which is an accomplishment in itself these days but I know they loved each other.

I am feeling numb some of the time and sad the rest of the time.  My mum and I may not have had the best of relationships but she was still my mum whom I loved.  For a long I have been scared that I wouldn’t feel anything when she died.  Right at this moment I wish I could tell her I love her one more time.  What keeps me going is that we were on reasonably good terms before she died.

One of my cousins, who is on my friends list on Facebook, contacted me through the site.  That was enough to make me want to cry.  When we were children we got on well even though he is four years older than me.  I have had intermittent contact with his brothers over the past few years.  One is almost two months younger than me and the other two years younger.  I have good memories of my cousins as I only got to see them when we visited my nan as they live in Wales.  Those were special holiday memories.

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About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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