1st March 2011
I have loved my sister, hated her, been frustrated by her actions and now I feel numb. If she ever needed my help I would be there for her but I wouldn’t put myself out for her. We had a fairly normal relationship for years although at times I did feel used by her. When she had her children I was the convenient babysitter and she didn’t like it on the rare occasions I refused because I had made other arrangements. These were times my mum would stick up for me which I always appreciated.
My relationship with my sister went downhill after I got married. It seemed like she would use any tactic to split us up. I’ve never known what my sister’s problem is with Rick or me. If I did I could deal with it. It was her who told Rick about Anthony and she unintentionally did me a favour as I wouldn’t have told him. It was cowardly of me not to tell him and I know it was part of my way of coping and being in denial.
I couldn’t allow myself the privilege of acknowledging I had a child as it was the only way I could cope with not raising him. Burying such intensive feelings is never a good idea. The things I have done to let the emotional pain sadden me now as I should have been supported in my choice to be a parent. My life would have been much different to how it has turned out. I wouldn’t have suffered severe depression on and off over the years or hurt myself.
I have never regretted stopping contact with my sister back in 1999. We got to the stage where she had gone too far with making my life miserable. It was the first time in my life that I had stood up to her and told her I was fed up of being treated so badly by my own family. The years have flown by and I still don’t miss talking to my sister.