14th March 2011

I haven’t felt like writing the past few days as tiredness has been a problem again.  It’s horrible going to bed feeling exhausted then not being able to get to sleep.  I have felt annoyed with my parents as I had enclosed  a letter with the wedding anniversary I sent them but they haven’t responded.  When I got my eyes tested recently I was asked if my mum has glaucoma.  As I can’t remember I told the optician I would find out.  Mother’s Day is coming up soon so I shall enclose another letter.

Sometimes I think it would be interesting to get my family on The Jeremy Kyle Show just for the entertainment factor.  My family is so dysfunctional yet they think they are perfectly normal in their behaviour.  I used to believe I was the one who wasn’t normal but I eventually understood that I was.  My family will never admit to themselves let alone anybody else that they can be quite cruel at times.  I suffered because I wouldn’t conform to how they wanted me to be.  Getting married was my wake-up call that I could be exactly what I wanted to be without trying to keep my family happy.  Not that I could ever live up to my family’s high expectations.

I am working on the inner peace and am finally seeing light at the end of the day.  I am finding the courage to always be honest about how I am feeling.  The freedom and sense of power makes me feel happier.  People taking me seriously and accepting me for who I am is an added bonus.


About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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