Pain

12th June 2011

Wednesday we had a good night out.  It was Gavin’s birthday plus Alastair wanted to thank us for all the help we have given him.  We went to a Brewer’s Fayre restaurant in Hartlepool and there were eight of us there.  It’s been ages since Rick and I have been for a meal which made it even more enjoyable.

We have been going to the allotment a bit more often and got an allotment for ourselves.  I quite enjoy feeding the chickens and cockerel as they are so tame. They make me laugh as when they are ‘verbal’ it sounds like they are saying chuck-chuck-chucken.  Our tomato plants are coming along nicely.  The allotment we have for ourselves needs some work but we can start planting already.

My hands have been getting worse for pain so I am now on anti inflamatories.  These are helping but I feel constantly tired despite sleeping fairly well.  A good night to me means only waking once or twice a night.  An average night I wake up three or four times a night.

I’m finding I’m not thinking about Anthony so much these days.  This is good as I know I am letting go.  I know I will always love him and the door will always be open.  On the other hand I can’t make him like me.  Acceptance of the situation has taken a long time to sink in.  It makes me sad knowing we can’t have a relationship although I am still glad that I had the time to get to know him.  I just hope and prayer that one day he can come to some kind of acceptance of being adopted. 

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About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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