16th November 2011
Today hasn’t been good for me emotionally and I have been on a downer. Rick hasn’t helped because every time I ask him to do something we either end up arguing as he puts it off or I give up nagging. On the other hand if someone else asks Rick to do anything he does it quickly so that causes an argument. If Rick asks me to do anything he expects me to do it straight away. Today has been one of those days I have got really annoyed with him because yet again he’s putting off things because he wants to do things for other.
The past week has been busy and I have had a couple of bad nights for sleeping which hasn’t helped my mood. Last Thursday I had a physiotherapy appointment which felt like a wasted journey. He prodded my back and checked out the movement of my legs then gave me a list of exercises to do. I have another appointment on the 8th December. It’s a good thing I am sensible but one exercise isn’t explained very well so I’m leaving that one out. On Friday we picked up a three piece suite as our old one was beginning to fall apart.
A few weeks ago Rick asked J-P to renew our wedding vows on the 20th November which is our wedding anniversary but didn’t say anything to me. I wasn’t amused when the subject was raised so I was a bit sarcastic with Rick. It’s now stressing me out completely as I feel like the day is being blown out of all proportion. I was okay with the wedding vows being renewed and for it to be low key. Now there is a cake being made for us, I’m taking some food along and bought a new dress for the occasion. It feels like that’s all anybody wants to talk about. I hate being the centre of attention.
What’s keeping me going on is my faith and I am scared about slipping back into my shell again. I have been so determined to keep control of my life over the years that I still struggle to let people in. Being distrustful of others hasn’t helped either. I know I need to give over my worries and fears over to God but I am struggling!