6th October 2011
I have reached a point in my life where I feel very sure about myself and my life. For the first time in many years I feel contented even on bad days. When I look back on my early life I believed in God and never questioned my faith in Him. As I grew older I still believed in God unquestioning as He was quite simply part of my life.
When Anthony was adopted I pulled away from faith as I was in pain and so very angry. I couldn’t believe a loving God would want me to go through so much pain. My way of dealing with it was to close my heart and bury my emotions. Of course it didn’t help me but at the time I wasn’t prepared to open up my heart or work through this. I wasted so many years being angry, suffering my pain in silence and afraid to talk to anybody. Deep down I still believed in God, I just wouldn’t put my trust in Him.
When I came back to my faith it was a slow process and I held back for a long time. Being baptized on the 13th November 2005 had a huge impact on my life. It was also the start of healing for me. I needed spiritual healing although I didn’t understand this until recently or realize what was happening. Going to a new church helped me understand that I have had the spiritual healing that I desperately needed. I also finally also understand how strong my faith is and I have that assurance that God is always in my life. I have had this confirmation from other people who can see this in me. They have and are helping me to be more confident in myself that I can talk freely about my faith. I am always willing to talk about my faith but at times I do worry that people will take what I say the wrong way.