9th December 2011
Yesterday was a very dark day for me. I knew it was building up to this for days. My concentration hasn’t been good and I have been stressed out. Rick suffered a bit in the evening for me being very depressed as I was very snappy. Nothing could take my mind off it or cheer me up. I had physiotherapy in the morning which went well. The physiotherapist did a scan on my back and that went well. It’s not normal for me to feel so low at this point in December. Christmas Day through to New Year is the tougher time to get through along with Mother’s Day, Anthony’s birthday and my birthday.
Today has been easier although having a good night’s sleep has helped. Sheer exhaustion probably helped as I haven’t been sleeping too well. The pain in my fingers has been worse lately and that makes me irritable. The weather has been cold so that hasn’t helped either.
I keep wanting to cry for no apparent reason. It isn’t easy trying to explain how I am feeling. I keep feeling an ache inside – an emotionally ache rather than a physical ache. There are friends I could talk to but I’m really not in the mood to do so.