Facing up to the past

1st December 2011

It has been emotionally tiring thinking back over my life.  Reunion had left in turmoil over my feelings.  It was scary knowing how extreme my emotions were.  My anger turned into sheer rage and at times I felt like I was going to explode.  I also found out how much I could really love somebody.  I love my husband and I love family members.  It’s a completely different feeling of love for a child which comes from creating another human being.  I knew I loved my baby but to finally understand the full extent of my love for him as an adult son was almost scary.

The first year into reunion was hard as I had to face up to the past and deal with my emotions.  By August 2005 I wasn’t eating much and considered myself lucky if i got more than two hours of sleep each night.  Eventually I knew I couldn’t carry on like this so I saw my doctor.  For the first in my life I felt like I was being taken seriously.  He told me I was severely depressed and needed help.  I sat and cried as it was such a relief for somebody to listen without judging.  Getting meds helped to improve so in turn I started sleeping and eating better.
On Tuesday my husband and I went to see my dad.  It was the first time we had seen him since my mum’s funeral.  My dad looked much better and it was good to spend time with him.  My sister came round with my niece and her baby who is 6 weeks old now.  He is absolutely gorgeous and I enjoyed holding him.  It was lovely just spending time with my family as if there hadn’t been a falling out.


About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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