1st December 2011
It has been emotionally tiring thinking back over my life. Reunion had left in turmoil over my feelings. It was scary knowing how extreme my emotions were. My anger turned into sheer rage and at times I felt like I was going to explode. I also found out how much I could really love somebody. I love my husband and I love family members. It’s a completely different feeling of love for a child which comes from creating another human being. I knew I loved my baby but to finally understand the full extent of my love for him as an adult son was almost scary.
The first year into reunion was hard as I had to face up to the past and deal with my emotions. By August 2005 I wasn’t eating much and considered myself lucky if i got more than two hours of sleep each night. Eventually I knew I couldn’t carry on like this so I saw my doctor. For the first in my life I felt like I was being taken seriously. He told me I was severely depressed and needed help. I sat and cried as it was such a relief for somebody to listen without judging. Getting meds helped to improve so in turn I started sleeping and eating better.
On Tuesday my husband and I went to see my dad. It was the first time we had seen him since my mum’s funeral. My dad looked much better and it was good to spend time with him. My sister came round with my niece and her baby who is 6 weeks old now. He is absolutely gorgeous and I enjoyed holding him. It was lovely just spending time with my family as if there hadn’t been a falling out.