16th January 2012
Thanks to some gossiping my mood plummeted again and I haven’t been able to concentrate. What makes it worse it is church people gossiping instead of talking to us. It’s been sorted with the elders but all it’s done is lower my self esteem and I have lost my trust again in these people. It annoys me as these people know better and should have come to Rick and me. I hate suffering with severe depression without the added pressure of having to deal with gossipers.
Last week I sent an update of medical information to Anthony via his adoptive parents. I chose to do it this way as I’m tired of the accusations made in the past so involving his adoptive parents stops the imagined wrongs. It’s a really petty way of dealing with the situation but I learned long ago that I needed witnesses ready for every time Anthony threw his toys out of the pram. In some ways he reminds me of myself when I was young. The only difference is I have always admitted when I am in the wrong. Anthony never admits to being in the wrong which he has been at times. I don’t expect any response though which doesn’t worry me as I know I am doing my best by him.
Despite having a wobbly start to the year I am determined to do more this year. One of my aims is to complete the novel I started recently. At the moment I am going over the start of the story as I wasn’t completely happy with it. Now it is forming much better. There are other things I want to work on although I know I need a confidence boost first.