Definitely not one of my better days. The article was in today’s Daily Mail so at least that hurdle is over. I don’t regret it even though one of Anthony’s comments was downright cruel. I’m not bothered what he thinks of me but it was below the belt to come out with the comment he did. I just hope and pray nothing goes wrong with his relationship because it will devastate him if it does. I also hope he never has to through the emotions Rick did in the early years. If he does have problems with his step daughter when she is older then he will have to deal with it.
I know my ‘place’ and just reinforces my feelings of never making contact with him again. I am also at the point that I question that if push comes shove would I respond to Anthony if he chose to make contact in the future. This is something I don’t ever expect to happen yet I need to think it through for my own sanity.
A little bit of me is questioning myself if I did the right thing agreeing to this article. I expected to get ‘knocked’ for it by people who have absolutely no connection to adoption. This was no surprise to me as people simply don’t understand the dark side of adoption or believe that mothers could possibly be coerced even in the 1980′s. They cannot begin to understand how mothers such as me could possibly be manipulated. Of course the prejudices come out that if our babies hadn’t been adopted then we would have continued the trend of working class mothers living off the state. they don’t understand that even in the 1980′s mothers like myself actually came from middle class backgrounds and more likely to have a job that would mean we could support ourselves and our children. All I needed was a bit of practical help (not money) so I could have continued to work and raise my son. What bothered me was a mother who had surrendered and should have understood what I’ve been through questioning why I would want to do the article.
What is so wrong with speaking out about the pitfalls of reunion? Why is it some people just don’t ‘get it’ that it’s something that should be talked about?
I don’t regret reunion despite all the mistakes made. What keeps me going are the people who are too scared to go ‘public’ because they are scared of the backlash. Most of the time it’s like water of a duck’s back with me so I carry on and don’t let the hurtful comments get me down. I fear depression because I haven’t opened up far more than I worry about depression because I have.