Depression getting the better of me

I am beginning to forget what it’s like not to be depressed.  It’s horrible feeling miserable day after day without any let up.  It doesn’t help that Rick keeps agreeing to a friend’s 3 year old coming over.  He is absolutely adorable but I feel guilty because I am depressed so not really in the mood for having him here.  It doesn’t help that he’s not ‘toilet trained’ yet and doesn’t let anybody know he needs to go to the toilet.  I have been putting him on the toilet at regular intervals and he has been doing what he needs to do which means dry nappies during the day time.  It’s also hard to have a conversation as well as he isn’t speaking very well so we have learned to understand him most of the time.  We are encouraging him to say words properly.  One little man could win medals for sulking which happens every time we say no in a firm voice.  He knows this earns him a time out every time he chucks a tantrum.  Normally the time out lasts about 5 minutes as he will say sorry but it has been known for a time out to last an hour occasionally as he’s a stubborn child.  He has learned that we are more strong willed than he is.

It’s been a tiring few days as I wasn’t sleeping well before ‘little man’ came to stay with us and when he is with us I still don’t sleep well.  It’s got that bad that I will sleep on and off during the afternoon which just makes me feel worse.  Tomorrow he goes home so I’m so exhausted by then that I will have a good night’s sleep.

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About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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