Depression, adoption, depression

It is hard to live with depression at times, adoption has always been a living wound for me, mix the two together and it can be fatal.  I have got to a point in my life that I have an acceptance that I want to die but I won’t commit suicide.  It is simply because I am tired, worn out, worn down by how I feel on a daily basis.  On a good day I have plenty of fight in me to go on.  It is helped when I get a message who ‘gets it’ how I feel even though they haven’t been through my life experiences as they have had experiences that have made them feel the same at times.  During my bad periods seem to be the times when I get messages from people who really don’t understand, believe they do yet are very hurtful.  Recently I got a message which accused me of being as spiteful as others, too wrapped up in my own tragedy, I need to learn forgiveness and that I had been told a long time ago to get help and that I was making myself sicker staying on a site.

The person is a rabid pro adoption no what the costs, all children in care are abused, the only child abusers are natural parents and all teen mothers are unfit to parent.  I ‘get’ why this person feels the way they do due to their own experiences.  On the other hand this person also annoys me as there are children in care for respite either for themselves or their parents.   Some adopters abuse their adopted children.  Just because a parent is a teen doesn’t make them a bad parent.

This person also should know me better.  I forgave the people who needed to be forgiven, I’m not wrapped up in my tragedy I share my experience to educate and I certainly don’t need the kind of help this person is implying I need.  My speaking out about my experiences has helped me heal.  I can simply do without nastiness from people who don’t know me in real life.

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About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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