It’s been a while….

… since I have posted here.  I have wanted too, then retreated back due to a loss of words.  It’s been an odd sort of year one way and another.  Life went downhill at the church we were attending and we left under a cloud.  I vowed I wouldn’t go back under any circumstances due to the elders of the church being in the wrong and I was owed an apology.  None of them will have tried shifting them blame but they admitted they were wrong to say what they did to me.  Rick was on a complete downer because of them but eventually got back on track.

We started going to  another church which we are now settled in and far more involved which includes helping with the lunch club on a Friday.  Both of us have been accepted for who we are and there isn’t any pressure to do anything although we like being involved.  It is part of our daily life because we have got to know so many people that life in general is much happier.

A dark time was the first of two articles written which made me feel very depressed.  Anthony didn’t help by being cruel and he is still in deep denial of his issues.  The journalist is convinced he is a fantasist and completely under the thumb.  She said it’s as if he wants to draw a line under his past life and wants to create a new life.  The fact that he told her her has three degrees now yet she knows he was lying about having  two degrees before as I had told her that.  Anthony is taking bigger and bigger risks with the more lies he tells and risks a humiliating fall if he doesn’t stop.  I love him very much but I’m at a point that I cannot pick the pieces any more for someone who will only chuck it all back at me the next time he is unhappy.  I  can’t take it emotionally any more and it took all my strength not to give up on life after the article.

The past few months have been up and down for me with depression.  Coming up for Christmas has been difficult.  My sister sent me pictures of my great nieces and great nephew recently.  Two of the pictures had my dad in them which I love.  My youngest great niece was born two days before my birthday.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.  We are busy up to Christmas Day which includes going to church and Christmas Day morning then we get back to normal.  I am hoping and praying that 2013 is better than this year has been.


About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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