Tiredness, depression, the will to live….

I hate being depressed and toll it takes on me.  It’s not just the emotional side it’s also the physical side as well.  It’s not so bad when I get a good night’s sleep even though I feel drowsy from about midday.  Sometimes I have a bad night so I wake up with a stiff neck and feel over tired.

During the past few days we have also had problems with a new member on the depression forums.  The first time he joined up he swore in the space for additional information.  In the space of an hour and a half he sent two abusive emails and an abusive message through the contact page.  Unfortunately I have the admin email on my outlook so I was the one who read them.  I sent a polite email stating we ask for the information and that it is kept private to the member and admin.  After that I had one more email from him still being abusive.  He then went on to rejoin overnight and filled in the details correctly.  I approved the second account as I had thought he had calmed down.

Friday being my busy day I didn’t have a chance to go onto the forums until later on.  I found it hard to concentrate due to a bad tummy ache,  About 9 pm I went to bed as I felt so rough.  Over an hour later Rick rang me up as one of our moderators had rung up due to the member putting angry, abusive posts on the forums so he had removed them but couldn’t ban the member as only admin can.  He also let the member know by private message then got abusive private messages back.

I got up and read four more posts, two just came across as angry, the other two were abusive.  These were all removed as all four were attacking and I banned the member, I also kept the two abusive posts.  It is just wearing me down now and not helping my self esteem.  What makes it sad is that I do believe this member is severely depressed and needs support but being abusive is the wrong way to get help.

He knows the police have been involved as the officer sent him an email which included being told he could be arrested if he carried.  I was also accused of not having a backbone and referred to as a bitch.  There have been veiled threats aimed at me, the moderator and members in general.  He gives off the impression that he is above the law and can get away with making threats.

When the police officer was here on Friday afternoon Rick and I agreed that we just wanted the person to get help and to back off with the threats.  It’s just made the situation worse.  I don’t want to cause this person any more distress because he is clearly depressed but on the other hand he needs to understand that threatening people is wrong.  He doesn’t understand (or believe) that he has distressed me or made my depression worse.

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About Philippa

I am married to Rick and we live in a small town in County Durham. We have two dogs, a cat and two budgies. I am also an adoption survivor. In 1981 my son was born and I was then forced to surrender him. It took 23 years and reunion for my to find out that my son's adoption was legally known as a forced adoption and illegal but social workers got away with it because mothers didn't know their rights.
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